That prophecy didn't take long at all to come true

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 02/16/2016 at 12:46 • Filed to: None

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A couple weeks ago, I !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! about getting a spiffy new laptop bag for my new job, where I’d likely be meeting with clients who are both IT managers, and stereotypical Midwestern Dad types who wear Nike Air Monarchs. Yesterday was my first day meeting clients, and, well, Nike Air Monarchs were involved.

For those who are not familiar with the Nike Air Monarch, it is !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . It’s cheap, ugly, comfortable, comes in widths, and can be found at fine retail establishments frequented by dads, such as Kohl’s, JCPenney, and Dick’s Sporting Goods. The Air Monarch is the official shoe of dads who don’t give a fuck what their shoes look like, they just want something comfy.

New Balance also makes several shoes that are basically also Nike Air Monarchs, but more expensive. For example, the 624, 608v4, and 857.

Yes, these are three entirely separate models of New Balance dad shoes available directly on New Balance’s website. What, you can’t spot the differences between them?

So like I said, yesterday was my very first day of going out with our sales people and meeting clients, to introduce myself as the new point person at our company for contract IT staffing. My third meeting of the day was at a brewery, because this is Wisconsin, where taking a client, who is a state government employee, to a brewery, on a Monday, is totally normal. I met up with the sales guy who had scheduled the meeting, we grabbed a table, and eventually our client walked in.

He was wearing Nike Air Monarchs.

XJDano > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 12:51

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I don’t think I’ve ever owned Nike or NB shoes.

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 12:52

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I hate the look of these shoes so much.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 12:53

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God, I hate IT staffing and contracting, I know everyone needs a living. But holy crap way to kill off burgeoning skills and experience by giving companies an easy way out of investing in their people.

\rant30 over

jkm7680 > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 12:55

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old ppl

crowmolly > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 12:57

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I love the name.

The Air Monarch is for actual monarchs just like how the Ford Crown Victoria is for British royalty.

-this space for rent- > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 12:59

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I think you mean Midwestern grandpas.

PushToStart > FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem 02/16/2016 at 13:00

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I don’t think anyone actually likes them to be fair. I think they see them on the shelf and think “yep, those’ll work” and walk out.

DrScientist > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 02/16/2016 at 13:00

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playing devil’s advocate here... if a company is built on selling widgets, shouldn’t their staff investment be made on the widget people, not the IT people?

64Mali > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 13:00

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Don’t make fun of NB shoes, I have been wearing those “Dad” shoes for years before I became a Dad. Mostly it has to due with only NB makes a 4E wide shoe that actually fits correctly..
Also good luck with the job and I love my TimBuk2 bag, holds up to anything.

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > PushToStart 02/16/2016 at 13:01

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Basically the Corolla of shoes.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > DrScientist 02/16/2016 at 13:09

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I guess, but the amount of wasted skills and loyalty that fill the unemployment line and graveyards is truly astounding.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 13:11

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Don’t forget the NB 990-series:

Favorite of Steve Jobs, Ben Affleck, and Hulk Hogan, it’s expensive, but super-durable, and very comfortable.

I wear them and I’m not even a dad.

Xyl0c41n3 > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 13:13

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That’s why I love my dad. He may qualify for the senior discount nowadays, but he still has good taste in shoes. And for as long as I can remember, he’s been a fan of Reeboks.

This is the kind he sports currently:

Yeah, they still look like dad shoes, but they’re a helluva lot more interesting than those bland white Nikes.

GTRZILLAR32-Now saving for Godzilla and a condo > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 13:15

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I have a friend who is 24 and is quite literally a physical specimen (6'4 260lbs and bench presses 405, looks a lot like randy orton or Dave Bautista) and he wore Monarchs for years. All of my friends made fun of him until he bought those goofy Reeboks (sp?) and we continue to ridicule him. At this point I think he buys ridiculous sneakers just to keep us going.

d15b > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 13:15

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I won’t let this happen to me, I swear it.

CalzoneGolem > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 13:16

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Judge me by my shoes do you?

And well you should not.

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 13:19

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I don't even know how many pairs of these my dad has owned.

TheRealBicycleBuck > 64Mali 02/16/2016 at 13:20

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Hello fellow duck-footed friend!

As my wife puts it, it’s not a matter of finding a shoe and then getting the right size. For me it’s a matter of find any shoe that is the right size & width, then buying it no matter what it looks like. :(

The Powershift in Steve's '12 Ford Focus killed it's TCM (under warranty!) > DrScientist 02/16/2016 at 13:25

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Counterpoint - if there’s no one in house than can handle the never ending minor IT tasks (network and server glitches, random computer problems, software and hardware updates), then those widget makers can’t do their job efficiently. Since just about every bit of design, documentation, marketing, and so on is done on computers, having to rely on outside help for IT work could put a stop to things very quickly.

64Mali > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/16/2016 at 13:29

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Pretty much me as a kid (and now) I never look around I just ask what they have in my size. My wife makes fun of me cause my feet are rectangular shaped.

V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me! > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 13:37

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“Air Monarch is the official shoe of dads who don’t give a fuck what their shoes look like, they just want something comfy.

New Balance also makes several shoes that are basically also Nike Air Monarchs, but more expensive. For example, the 624, 608v4, and 857.”

I’ve been rocking New Balance 696s as of late. They are a hard court tennis shoe and look very similar to what you posted. Why do I wear these? The hard soles take the pounding I give them in the summer months playing Handball on an outdoor concrete court. I’ll get 3 months out of a pair as opposed to TWO WEEKS that your average running shoe gives. These time frames are until I actually put a hole in the shoe. Basketball shoes have a good sole as well, but are usually MUCH heavier and that makes for harder cut backs in lateral motion. Price? I paid 50 bucks. Plain look? Yes, with good reason. I can wear them with basically anything save a suit. That and I’d probably look ridiculous in a pair of bright green DCs. While I’m Iin better shape than most 20 year olds, I’m not delusional. I don’t wanna be that guy in his 40s trying WAY too hard to look 21.

DrScientist > The Powershift in Steve's '12 Ford Focus killed it's TCM (under warranty!) 02/16/2016 at 13:39

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of course...

i’m not saying we completely get rid of IT, we hire a contract force today to handle all problems between now and next year... especially if we are a start up without significant revenues... we can push off the requirements for full-time hires (mostly insurance and benefits) until our widgets are in market and we have better forecast of long term sustainability.

Manny05x > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 13:41

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What are those?????

E92M3 > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 13:43

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White Nike’s always show up in droves on “Jeans Day”. Middleaged men can’t pass up a deal. $29 for a new pair of sneakers? Sold! And they will get every cent worth wearing them even after the leather has cracked and turned gray.

Jagvar > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/16/2016 at 13:57

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Meh, who needs shoes anyway?

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 14:03

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Eew. I usually wear dress/formal shoes, but my trainers are bright red nike’s, because why the fuck not ?

TheRealBicycleBuck > Jagvar 02/16/2016 at 14:04

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Cody? Is that you?

Sn210 > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 14:10

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I was a footwear department manager back in college. These Air Monarchs and those NB 620's used to sell like hot cakes

The Powershift in Steve's '12 Ford Focus killed it's TCM (under warranty!) > DrScientist 02/16/2016 at 14:11

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If you’re talking about a startup, yes, you’re right on all counts. For a company with a stable revenue stream, having an in house staff works much better.

Then again, this assumes the IT staff is competent, which isn’t always the case.

AM3R shamefully returns > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 02/16/2016 at 14:25

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Woah woah woah... I have a pair of 990's that I run in.. I’m not that old either! In the DMV area these are actually worn by tons of teenagers. I don't really like the looks too much but I run in them and they are amazing for that.

Textured Soy Protein > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 02/16/2016 at 15:00

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My dad wears those and swears by them.

Rico > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 15:00

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Lmao how did you not burst out laughing at the Monarchs when you saw them.

Textured Soy Protein > AM3R shamefully returns 02/16/2016 at 15:03

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When I was a kid in the DC suburbs, the wannabe gangsta kids would be wearing Raiders starter jackets and top-of-the-line NB runners like 1300s, 1500s, etc. But that was just because they were more expensive than even Air Jordans. I figure the 990-series popularity in the DC suburbs is following on that trend. The only problem is the whole series since the 990v2 (and its sequels the 991, 992, 990v3 and now 990v4 that just came out) is fugly.

Textured Soy Protein > 64Mali 02/16/2016 at 15:05

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My real shoe size is 11 4E. I own one pair of shoes in this size: NB 860v6s. But those are my workout shoes. I have another 25 or so pairs of shoes that are all 11.5 or 12, because most shoes that come in wide are fugly.

Textured Soy Protein > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 02/16/2016 at 15:09

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I hear ya. Sometimes I feel like I’m contributing to the erosion of the middle class, and it’s not the greatest feeling.

But the flip side of it is, unless a company is a tech company where tech stuff is their product, they’re always going to view technology as a cost of doing business, which they need to minimize.

My personal politics lean towards worker-friendliness rather than almighty job-creating corporations , so when I place people in contract jobs, I try as much as possible to set realistic expectations of how long the assignment will go, and keep checking in with both them and their bosses, so they can plan ahead as much as possible for the inevitable next job search.

Textured Soy Protein > V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me! 02/16/2016 at 15:12

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I have a pair of size 11 4E NB860v6s I wear to the gym, and only to the gym. They are comfy and give my feet the support they need for working out.

But you sure won’t see me wearing them just out and about. Because, blech.

Textured Soy Protein > Rico 02/16/2016 at 15:16

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I tried very hard to restrain myself.

AM3R shamefully returns > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2016 at 15:24

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I'm still in the suburbs of DC in NoVa, now it's just lots of polo and Jordans with a healthy amount of new balances. Asics are starting to make some really appealing looking shoes, and they seem to be getting a little more popular too.

Stapleface > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/22/2016 at 13:56

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I'm the same way, except I take my NB's in 14 4E. I don't even look at the shoes on display, I just go to the boxes and find what fits. Thankfully Kohl's is pretty good about keeping NB's in 4E in pretty good stock near me. Granted, they're usually ugly, but I don't really care. They fit and are comfy. Fashion be damned. I'm far too old to worry about looking hip. The only "hip" thing about me is my beard, and that's more out of a general laziness to shaving.